Denial

You may be here because of an addiction, but I would like to address a specific topic, denial. The most important aspect of recovery is honesty. I found that if a person is completely honest with themselves and others they are well on their way to a life of peace and serenity.

Denial can be seen as a defense mechanism, it protects us from emotional pain. Letting go of denial is an essential step in the recovery process. This is generally brought about in a person’s life through hitting a bottom. This can be a physical bottom, like contracting a STD from sexual encounters due to our addictions. Emotional bottoms, where you just come to the end our yourself and the feeling of dread and hopelessness follows. And lastly, a spiritual bottom, which can be a feeling of separation from our higher power.

A friend of mine named Dennis wrote a step study book and he states some common denial messages with which we may delude ourselves.

Common Denial Messages
1. I can stop any time I want to.
2. I only practice my addiction because I want to.
3. Things aren’t that bad.
4. When things get better (or worse), I’ll stop my…


Projecting Blame
1. You make me do what I do!
2. If only ______ would ______ then I would be happy.
3. I would be okay if _____ stopped acting out.
4. If _____ stops drinking I will be happy.

Subtypes of Denial
1. Projection – I don’t have a problem – you have a problem.
2. Minimizing – He doesn’t drink or drug that much.
3. Rationalization – I drink because of my crummy job/life/wife/parents etc., or he drinks because of his job/life/me.
4. Intellectualizing – being too much “in your head” about your problems – those constant conversations – the committee in your head.
5. Withdrawing – leaving relationships, jobs, etc. rather than facing our problems.
6. Geographic escape – my life is unmanageable – but it’ll get better if I move to another place, or if we move he won’t have these friends and he will stop.
7. Blame – I am miserable, it is your entire fault. If you would change, I would be happy again.
8. Fear of losing control – I can’t just sit here and do nothing. He/She needs me now more than ever. No one understands him/her like I do. I’m his/her only hope.
9. Suppression – don’t talk about it, it only makes it worse.